AI Almost Made Me Quit Writing
In a previous blog, I said that I was contemplating giving up writing fiction because of the onslaught of AI. I’m worried people will think I use AI. I know that AI will likely scrape my book. Publishers will probably force AI on me, an increasingly common practice. When I think of all the ways AI can (and in some ways, already has) screwed up my chances of getting published, or being taken seriously, I wonder if its even worth trying.
I know I’m counting my chickens before they hatch. I haven’t started writing my book yet, much less received any interest from publishers. Statistically speaking, the most likely scenario is that I’ll never be published anyway. I could self-publish, or even post it on this blog for free. That’ll at least get my book out there, and solve the “being forced to use AI” problem. That wouldn’t solve the first two problems. I’d still have to convince people I didn’t use AI to write or edit the book, and I’d have to worry about somebody using my book to train their AI models.
This feels like a no-win situation. In the before times, writing a book, publishing it (even self-publishing), and getting people to read it was only slightly less difficult than climbing Mt. Everest after the heat death of the universe. Now having to deal with all that, and all the issues stemming from AI… I don’t think it’s possible to make a career out of writing anymore.
That forces me to ask myself a difficult question: Does that matter?
When I was 19 or 20, I knew I wanted to be an author. By 25, it hadn't happened yet, and I figured it wasn't going to. I abandoned that dream to pursue other things. My life changed radically last year when all those other things also failed. With nothing left to do, I went back to writing fiction. I was 33 then and rusty, but I was determined to take full advantage of this second chance. I used to love writing, and I was happy to discover that I still did. As I got back to writing short stories and planning my book, I once again thought about it through the lens of making a career out of it. I was tired of working shitty retail jobs, making peanuts for back-breaking work. Especially at my age.
As AI seeped into every aspect of our lives, I had to wonder if I was wasting my time. So many authors insist that AI will never replace real, human authors. Their stories aren’t good enough, they lack heart and basic quality they say. But when has that ever stopped companies who are only concerned about making money? Publishers see AI as ghostwriters they don't have to pay, ones that can churn out books in minutes, that's all they care about.
I quit writing everything but this blog back in June as I thought about what I wanted to do. What matters to me? Is it worth continuing to pursue this path? Is it worth my time and effort to keep writing? What do I have to gain? What do I have to lose?
I’ll spare you the suspense: I decided I have to do it. I have to keep trying. Even if I think writing professionally isn't possible anymore. Even though I know I’m going to have to face the threat of AI head-on. Even if my book never gets published, and if no one reads it if it is.
I’m not sure what ultimately convinced me. I suppose it’s like breathing. You don’t decide to take in breath, you just do it. No matter how long you hold your breath, you breathe in eventually. I felt like I was depriving myself of something by not writing. I did it once for nearly a decade, and I didn’t want to do that again.
There’s another reason. I realized that all my life I’ve made the same mistake. As soon as something gets difficult, as soon as I face any adversity, I give up. Professionally. In relationships. In school. In all aspects of my life. I’ve spent so much time running it’s no wonder I’m stuck in a dead end job, with only a handful of friends and no significant other. I felt like I was about to run again, and that thought made me sick. What am I running from? The fear of failure? Am I afraid of what reaction I might get? What some AI bro might do? Those are terrible excuses. I’m tired of running.
I love writing too much to quit. So what if nobody reads my work? So what if I can’t make a career out of it? So what if publishers reject me? So what if some AI machine steals it? Does any of that mean I shouldn’t even bother? No. No, and it took me way too long to realize that.
I dusted off my book yesterday. I had forgotten how much work I’ve already put into it. Dozens of pages of notes on characters, plot points, about alien races and languages, and different planets. It’s a science fiction story, if that wasn’t obvious. It’s funny how much of this I remember after last looking at any of it five months ago. I’m excited about it again, and some of the short stories that I shelved that I’m going to get back to. I don’t know if any of it will go anywhere, but I also don’t really care anymore.
There is one thing I will quit writing about: AI. It feels like half my blogs this year were about these damn LLMs and I'm sick of it. Next blog will be about something nicer. (The joke is that it will not be.)
Thing of the Whenever
I’ve been watching RndStranger for years now. I was looking through his older videos and stumbled on a retrospective he made about the Yars Revenge series and kicked myself for missing it. I’m fascinated by the history of Atari, especially in the last twenty years, so I was in.
If you’re not familiar with RndStranger, he’s the best video game historian in the business. He started doing daily videos covering the entire catalog of games for the Famicom, and once he finished that he moved on to videos every other day on the PC Engine. What he does so well is he presents information in chronological order, providing a level of context you can't get from covering just one game or person. He reminds me of the TimeGhost folks, in that regard. This is a great video, even if you’re not interested in Yars Revenge, for how he covers Atari through the years.
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